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DECEMBER 30

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 20:48:34 GMT

With the year ending I usually think about the year and how it went.

It went quickly.

My children are sprouting more quickly than I anticipated. The fall school term scurried by. ZOOM. As hurriedly as it went by, I can also say I greatly enjoyed it too. I spent a good deal more time at the park than the year before--doing NOTHING AT ALL. just being. That is fantastic by the way. one feels very human that way. I'm glad I did that. That made for good bonding time as well. It didn't help my house get cleaner, but no one died from a messier house, so I'm glad I picked the park.

Sometimes I focus on the shortcomings, on the things I wish were improved. There is always that I can notice, and I do have a bit of a list there. I'd like to make some changes this year. I'd like God to show me more areas for healing and spiritual maturity, and I like to be courageous in obedience for the necessary steps for that to happen. It's one thing to see what needs to change; it's a whole other thing to do it-to be brave, see the ugliness, and push through it to the end. Sometimes I, like most of humanity, close my eyes like toddler playing hide and seek and think if I can't see it anymore, it must not really be there. My job of not hiding is working. I tackled some of these things in the fall term, so I'd like to see more of them through. Thankfully, I had some dear friends in my cheering section. That makes a huge difference. When we come up short, it's the true friends that will still support us and give us the extra push when we are dry, like angels with skin on, whom God uses, if things get bumpy or others take their pot shots. I hope I have the courage to push forward, I can run for the hills like a wounded animal sometimes, and I don't like that about myself.

May God work in your life to cause growth. It may be very painful, but it will be worth it. There may be pruning, but the flowers and fruit will be a harvest of goodness. I'll tell you of it myself, once I get there, if I ever do.

the wild soul

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 18:30:45 GMT

by Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness

The soul is like a wild animal--tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, self-sufficient. It knows how to survive in hard places. But it is also shy. Just like a wild animal, it seeks safety in the dense underbrush. If we want to see a wild animal, we know that the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods yelling for it to come out. But if we will walk quietly into the woods, sit patiently by the base of the tree, and fade into our surroundings, the wild animal we seek might put in an appearance.

May this holiday afford you some time for solitude for your wild soul to come out from the underbrush to the the tree where you are quietly sitting. With all the crashing about of the holidays we can forget that our souls are "shy" and need solitude, real solitude, to be truly refreshed.

Happy holidays! Jesus was born! Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

I saw Karl lighting a Christmas tree

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 14:30:24 GMT

Recently a photo album belonging SS-Obersturmführer Karl Höcker, the adjutant to the commandant of Auschwitz, was found and donated to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. It depicted Höcker and other Nazi officers enjoying recreation, formal ceremonies, holidays, retreats, meals, and sing-alongs at part of the same compound that would kill exterminate countless Jews. Because of a lack of photographic or historic evidence Höcker was never found guilty or executed for war crimes unlike many commanders shown in the photo album. In 1945 he evacuated the camp only carrying enlisted soldier papers was able to fool the British and serve in a British prisoner of war camp for 18 months. Later in 1963 he only served 7 years in prison. Though he administrated the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of detainees at Auschwitz, he worked after the war as a banker and lived to the ripe age of 88 years old. This album had many rare photos of Karl Höcker that prove his rank and responsibility as a Nazi at Auschwitz during the time when the gas chambers were running at maximum capacity. What is probably the most shocking of all is that Karl Höcker seems not like a monster at all, he seems like a normal happy man, doing normal things. The thrust of the exhibit was to show that people are capable of evil. They don’t have to look like monsters to do it. They look ordinary.

Don't think that some pillars of your community couldn't do, or don't do horrible things. These people were those types of people! We can also become monsters all too easily as well.

When Jesus says the road is NARROW, that what he means. Not many people really find it. It seems like everybody finds the road, like we're all pretty much "okay". Jesus says the road is narrow, because it is. He says we have to take up our cross daily and follow him. Are we doing that? Are we really? We make excuses.

I think it's like the four soils. . . . I think we're mostly the thorny soil. . . the seed is planted and choked out by life... when we look around . . . people aren't really paying attention. So, the road is actually VERY VERY narrow. And the Karl can easily happen, in reality. I saw Karl lighting the Christmas tree in one picture. It was sweet. No, it was horrible. But he probably thought it was sweet. He thought he was a Christian. We make up reasons to do what we what to do if it doesn't stack up, but it's not on the narrow road. We've gone to the highways.

Are we disciples that understand self-sacrifice, devotion, and humble love? I get distracted, you get distracted. It's time to take up the cross again.

I faced it

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 03:09:56 GMT

I can't believe it myself... I caved. . . for the sake of friendship I registered at facebook. It's been nicer than I thought. I found a few long lost friends actually. That's pretty nice!

You can write on my wall anytime too. : )

You can find me at facebook.com It's easy to upload photos there, and send messages, so if you're curious, and want to check it out, come find me. I'll "be your friend".

Bread, daily

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 20:21:07 GMT

As I visited my own blog to check for comments I noticed the banner ad, of which I have no control, advertising for ebay and "shopping victoriously". It's like a slap to much of what I have written here... but the irony of it made me chuckle. December is full of ironical bumps as much as it is full of discounted merchandise, and too, bargain and frenzied shoppers.

The thought that crossed my mind as it has been largely cleared of final research papers and semester's end pressers: Jesus exhorts as disciples to pray for their daily bread, later in John he tells them he is the Bread of life. I love the parallel of asking for HIM each day. Beyond asking for our daily provision, of all things, it's strengthening to ask for an awareness of his incarnation daily. The peace that gives is not what the world gives. Is it quite indeed a peace that passes all other understanding. He did not leave us to be orphans. He left us with his indwelling presence. The Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth, the Comforter, also God to be our daily Bread of life.

Thought of the week

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 00:26:12 GMT

Don't forget that it's okay if you don't get everything done.

You can suck out the goodness and joy of a moment like the juice out of an orange.

Sometime it just takes a tweak.. an attitude adjustment, and you don't go around feeling so upset anymore, or on the verge of anger or despair . . . and you realize time is short, quite short.

The holidays and all the preparation that goes with them, the expectations or obligations, or time crunches can make us too quickly forget about important things like breathing easily, for instance, or sitting down and looking deeply into someone's eyes, and not letting our minds wander at all to the next thing. And belly laughing. And deeply tasting, touching, smelling, and seeing what is really right in front of us.

Be here this week. Be here. Enjoy yourself. Don't try too hard, and then it'll come smoother and lay easier. "Play it as it lays."

Christmas without PRESENCE

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 19:49:27 GMT

What would happen if for just one Christmas no one bought anything? Would we be more present to remember what we are actually celebrating?

As the days quickly gear up to the BIG DAY---happy birthday Jesus---I've notice this year in particular the stores have blitzed at least two weeks earlier. Our supermarket two weeks BEFORE Halloween put the masks and skull candy dishes on the clearance shelves and moved in the big ticket giant snow globes for the yard, Santa wrapping paper, and toys. They figure if you buy with them first, and they have their first shot at you, that's more money, so why not give it a try. Most stores count on the final quarter of the year to make a profit during a difficult year.

But do we have just look around at all the STUFF and just say "ENOUGH!" Will anybody stop the madness? um nope. It doesn't seem so. In our house gifts for the kids range from $5-15 each per year. It's just not about the stuff. It just can't be. It's totally counter-culture,perhaps some might say "a tad "bah hum bug", but it's really gotten sickening for me at this point. But on a personal level (looking at outside our four walls) this season has become nearly vacuous- Christmas without presence.

depth, perception

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 00:22:07 GMT

Perception of depth as well as stereoscopic vision, which is truer picture of reality, can only come by multiple points of view---such as two eyes, or two (or more) perspectives.

reasonable anger

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 21:16:14 GMT

In one of my classes I’ve learned some simple but remarkable things.

Anger is normal and not unspiritual. It is an expression of hurt, frustration, or fear. An angry person suffers from one, or more of those three things, which is a rather sad thing. Angry people are hurting people. Do you struggle with anger? If so, you have pain you need to deal with. I have pain I need to deal with, so I know how you feel. Part of writing this is part of my healing process.

Anger, though a reasonable feeling, makes us unreasonable as we hang on to it. We get unreasonable very quickly. Anger ferments and becomes a poison and gets ugly and hateful. (We find out we’re indeed sinners.) Acknowledging the reasonable feelings behind anger (hurt, fear, or frustration), and giving anger up sets us free–from the poison anger becomes to us, and the consequences of hurting others by vomiting this poison out in some way.

Sometimes when angry feelings return again and again, in certain situations or with certain people, we wonder, “Why can’t I get over these feelings?” or “Why can’t I control my reaction?” Other times when we haven’t thought very far we think, “That person makes me mad.” Or “I don’t like that person.” This is because unresolved emotional baggage exists. There are wounds and hurt in the form of anger that spume to the surface. It begs the question: What is the real issue? Are you disappointed? Are you unresolved? What needs to be fixed? What can you do to repair the issue? Something is there. Anger is the warning light. But, you might not realize it. Some people think anger works more like a horn on a car.

“I’m angry! Beep! Blankity-Blank!”

It’s used that way, but this rarely helps. Better used, anger is like a vehicle warning indicator light. An indicator light gives a message so we may fix a crucial and particular issue. A horn sounds off. When we have angry feelings if we note when they came, and what triggers them, we can address the source of the issue and not just sound off, or fume. There will always be patterns to our anger triggers. These triggers expose our hurts, fears, and frustrations. If we are humble we can grow from these insights and not just bury them under a loud blast of anger, or stuff them in the trunk, and pretend they aren’t there.

If we are hurt by a upsetting remark or an action, this is a justified feeling. Purposefully acknowledging our feelings squelches the tendency to stuff or harbor feelings, as well as hinders the ease of exploding in anger. If we find ourselves overreacting or under-reacting to issues, or certain people, it is probably because we are out of balance with our feelings, and have specific unresolved issues. Addressing a hurt, fear, or frustration evenly at the onset will add to the feeling and healing process.

Sometimes when we tend to stuff feelings we will take them elsewhere first, as if to test them out before dealing directly with the situation. This may add to the fermentation of the feelings. If you ever talk to someone about your anger, the wisest perspective they can offer is recommending you connect maturely with the one to whom you are conflicted. A reasonable conversation can resolve many misunderstandings and potential further hurts. Responding rather than reacting is very important as we deal with others. They are entitled to experiencing their feelings just as we are. And we all are responsible for acting appropriately with those feelings. If they are not able to do that, we still have to do it, and allow them to come back and talk when they are able to again.

Maybe we have felt our feelings are inappropriate or unchristian. Feelings themselves are not right or wrong, just like knives in a kitchen are not in themselves wrong or unsafe. It is simply how knives are used that is appropriate or inappropriate, safe or unsafe. Using feelings incorrectly is very unsafe. Using knives incorrectly is unsafe. Chopping vegetables for soup carefully on a cutting board–good. Chucking a butcher knife at your husband–bad. Angry words and deeds are the same way.

We’ve all let our temper, or our stuffed feelings get the best of us. There is no chance we’ll get it perfect, but there is a big chance for improvement. First we have to let go of our harbored feelings. See them as reasonable, but then kiss them goodbye. Anger, like dairy, spoils and is useless–so please, don’t let it stink up and ruin your life. When you feel anger rear it’s head, locate its source: Are you hurt, frustrated, or fearful? And why? Be honest with yourself, and grow from your findings. Then, let your anger ease. Give it to God. Lay it at his feet. It’s too much for you to bear and you weren’t meant to carry that burden. Life is painful enough. We really don’t need to make it harder on ourselves. Abandoning our anger quickly will spare us pain and give us more freedom to forgive, love, and be loved.